Life in general

hey just dropping a line to complain and tell something i'm excited about. yeah dropped my sugar at the store and had to bust open some peanut butter cups, even had employee ask if i was ok but really it wasn't that bad it was just barely starting to drop. decided on my way home that i need to come to terms with the fact that i'm just going to feel like schiesse forever. i'm under a medication change and i think it's going to work really well but i'm also having a hard week. the sucky thing is can't tell if it's the alteration of meds (because even if they work better i take so damn many pills it's still and adjustment), or that i'm sick (like to get walking pneumonia and my lungs are shot lately. but everyones alergies are all over the place lately even toby's and i'm smoking a ton til the wellbutron gets back in my system so who knows) or the lack of b12, i don't digest any b vitamins so i was out just a couple of days but who knows. anyway i'll shut up now but i'm so so so so sick of it all. one plus is the pills so far are going to make me not have to eat every 2 hours, i may only have to eat every 3 or 4, although the dr thursday did say i'd lost another 4 pounds but i swear i'm rounding out, so probably lost muscle and turned to fat lol, gotta love it.

so on to the good thing... i got my review book, Siberian Education. so far i can't put it down. it is unbelievably good and would be one in my permanent library. i have to say dani has to read it for the humanitarian aspect. mother for the historical and the great benny k for the philosophical. i'm not going to say much about it but may post my review to re-enforce things if it stays this good. and such an easy fast read. if i had to write a review now i could never do it justice but i will say that the philosphies and beliefs that are part of the community and culture in this siberian town are incredibly profund and should be a must read for everyone. even if you disagree with some aspects you can't look at it and say that's messed up, you would have to tip your hat and say, damn.... my hats off to you and the world can take a lesson. mind you i say this even though the entire community are "crimminals". i am in no way comparing even remotely but i grew up in a bad neighborhood and can sympathize completely, however be it ineffeciently, with the law issues. i have had friends and watched people i knew well or not at the other end of the stick, being beaten to a pulp with no recourse but to bleed. however i do have to say that just saying that makes the book sound completely different than it really is. so far, it is an unbelievably good story, and it's true and raw and so well put. it is art.

ok so i'm probably not coming down to salt lake this week but i'm preety sick. as usual weak and tired and unable to stay awake or function well at all. not to mention all the other physical fun stuff. i'll call littleman on wednesday and talk to him for awhile. and by the way wanda sykes is on tv and i just want to say shes not on my list of actors but should be, i just love her and she is so, i don't know, a great person and stands up openly for her beliefs, at least more than most. i really love her.

have a good night and mudder i'll call you tomorrow.